I cannot express how much I enjoyed my conversation with Sonia Parekh. I had a big a-ha moment during our conversation when she talked about sharing the mental load with your partner. I’ll confess it was one of the biggest insights of all the interviews I did for either of my books, thanks to Sonia’s advice: “share the mental load as a working mom.” You’ll learn a thing or two from Sonia as she shares her approach to work-life balance and career management with a family.
Professional path
Sonia’s path has had self-described “twists and turns” as she’s developed an expertise in the retail industry. She started out her career in the buying program at Lord & Taylor after completing her studies in economics and marketing at Wharton. After a few years, she realized she wanted to be able to shake things up. Sonia decided to get a master’s and went the route of management consulting after completing her MBA at University of Michigan, a top MBA program. Working at Deloitte, one of the largest management consulting firms in the world, she had the opportunity to work with almost every major retailer imaginable.
She eventually changes to the client side, working at Pottery Barn. Sonia then worked at the corporate side of the Walmart, working at Walmart.com to launch the apparel business online. She talks about this as one of her first work-life balance moments. She shifted to the client side to have more consistency in her life. With a tough travel schedule, it was hard to settle down. When Sonia shifted her work environment, she did meet someone and get married. They also had their first child after a few years.
While on maternity leave, Sonia decided it was time to make some changes in what she describes as her second work-life balance moment. She knew she wanted to keep working, but she wanted more flexibility. This is where her network comes in. Sonia had kept in touch with several partners from her management consulting days and through that connection, she began working part time for a boutique consulting firm. She worked with the team for seven years. During that time, she had her second child and eventually transitioned to a full-time role for several years.
Support from your employer
When talking about working part time for the smaller consulting firm, she shared it was a situation with mutual trust and flexibility. They would give her the space she needed as a mom to two young children and she would dial into calls when she wasn’t officially on the clock. She admits this was largely because they already knew her work product and work ethic. “If you know the people going into this, then there’s mutual trust or, if you don’t know each other, you must create a win-win when starting something new.” This idea of proving yourself and showing your value over time as well as creating win-win scenarios is something I heard again and again in the interviews for the books.
Pivoting with your partner
Sonia talked about a different perspective than many other working mothers who I interviewed. She described pivoting throughout her career after getting married. She and her husband allowed each other to grow over time, moving back and forth between flexible roles and times of stretching their knowledge and skills. She and her husband look at both their career trajectories and one would essentially work in a flexible role as the other’s career took off. Sometimes the changes were due to family needs, and other times it was just because one of them got an opportunity to do something exciting. The approach allowed both to excel in their career over time.
Managing the mental load
To do this, you and your significant other must be on equal footing. Sonia describes her relationship with her husband as each is “100 percent of a partner for the other which means sharing the physical and mental load.” In Sonia’s case, it makes for a holistic approach to work-life balance for the two of them together. They absorb normal challenges that life throws their way and focus on what’s important. She does warn, though, that it can be daunting to switch the “breadwinner” role in a relationship. “You trade home responsibilities for more pressure at work, and you have to be willing to do either.” Sonia shares that if you embrace the change, things fall into place and the new routine emerges quickly.
What does childcare look like?
Sonia and her husband hired a full-time nanny when their older son was 6 months old since both parents had jobs which required travel. Sonia shares that easier to have their second child because she had full-time help, even when she was in a part-time role. To date, her family has had 4 nannies total. She shares that the transition has seemed natural as one season ends and another starts as the nannies have changed over time. Sonia also empowers each nanny to be in charge of the house, so it’s not simply about nannying kids. Just as you share the mental load with your partner, you have to share it with your nanny.
Advice for other working moms:
- Know what resources you need. She’s had full-time help since her younger son was 6 months old. With both parents sometimes traveling, her family needed a nanny who felt empowered and in charge of the household. And the nannies and their roles have changed over time, as the kids have grown and their needs have changed.
- Outsource responsibilities, not just tasks. It can be hard to let go, especially if you’re a Type A personality or more controlling by nature. It’s freeing when you finally let go of the full mental load and responsibility, though.
- Keep in touch with your network. When it comes to networking, “do what’s natural” to you. Understand the importance of work “friendships” and build on those, even when you don’t work together anymore. Send a birthday message or share an article of interest. Do whatever comes naturally to keep in touch, but actually make the effort.
- Understand your own goals for your career and your family. Sonia describes that at times she made choices based on family needs and she wonders what if. And then she wonders what would the price have been to go make things happen faster. She found the right rhythm in her life, based on what was important to her career as well as in her personal life.
- Realize that your path should and will change. There will be twists and turns in life that you can’t anticipate. Be flexible and don’t let the unforeseen challenges derail you even though they may force you to make a change you had not planned for. Be comfortable with this. There is always another option, but you might need to be creative to find it.
Interested in seeing more from Sonia and other professional working moms? Buy your copy of The Mompowerment Guide to Work-life Balance on Amazon today. (affiliate link)
