I am feeling run down. And, as much as I try to focus on the positive, I’m tired. This sluggishness got me thinking about self-care and the fact that I’m not doing it enough lately. It’s time to refocus on my needs a bit. You’re hopefully into the rhythm of kids in school again, so maybe, if you’re like me, it’s time to restart self-care as a working mom. Or maybe you need to create a self-care habit for the first time.
Time to take time for self-care
Life happens. We have to get kids ready for school and ourselves ready for work. We must make things happen at home and at work. I often describe time management for a working mom like time Tetris. I’m constantly fitting work stuff with all the kids’ stuff and making sure I have time to connect with my husband.
As moms, do we really take enough time for ourselves? We spend so much time and energy focused on others, but what about focusing on our needs. Within my own circle of friends and the moms I interviewed for the Mompowerment book, it doesn’t necessarily seem that we spend enough time on ourselves and our needs.
Self-care in the interviews
Some moms are really good about self-care. Of the 110+ professional part-time working moms I interviewed, a few made sure to include it in their schedule. One mom I interviewed talked about how we need to “fill up ourselves before we can focus on our kids” and I can’t say enough how true this is. It’s hard to be at your best as a mom, employee, wife, sister, friend, or colleague when you’re working from an empty cup.
My definition of self-care
How can we focus on others’ care and be 100% if we don’t take care of ourselves? And when I’m talking about self-care, I don’t only mean a spa day. I’m referring to the mental, physical, emotional – a holistic version of – self-care. I’m talking about eating right, drinking enough water, getting enough sleep, exercising enough, and having moments of self-care throughout your day or week (more on what this can look like below).
Self-care and happiness
And, in the end, when we fill up our cup, I think we’re happier. As one mom describes it, “I’m happier and it trickles down to my kids, who are also happier.” We don’t always think about the link between happiness and self-care, but isn’t it harder to be happy when your cup is completely empty? I saw it in the interviews and I definitely feel that way. The fact that I’m tired (yep, not sleeping enough) is making it that much harder to be fully satisfied and happy in my case.
Small doses of self-care each day
I try to do a little bit of self-care each day. In fact, I try to bookend my day with self-care. I try to do a morning self-care check-in and take a few minutes to meditate or breathe deeply and then end my day with writing in my gratitude journal and reading. (Read more about my morning routine.)
These smaller doses can really help get us through a week or month. You don’t want to only do self-care once a month and expect to be at your best.
If I want to unwind at home, I might take a lavender bubble bath with bath salts and bath scrub – maybe even with a small glass of wine. It’s a moment of bliss in the evening once the boys are down. I listen to podcasts or rock out while working out. Something small, but I come back re-energized.
As a working mom, you can’t always fit in the bigger self-care moments. Want some other ideas for small doses of self-care?
- Journaling
- Reading (reading for 6+ minutes can lower your heart rate)
- Go for walk or hike
- Take a nap
- Gardening
Bigger doses of self-care
Even with my daily morning self-care moments, I still take time to do something more when I can. My favorite “me” moment is a monthly pedicure. It’s a girly moment in my household with all males when the testosterone is overwhelming.
I’ve also realized that I need some form of connecting with others as part of my self-care. Sometimes a friend and I will meet up to do a walk (catching up while exercising is a win-win in my book). I try to meet a friend for coffee, lunch, or happy hour every few weeks. This could even be a girls’ night out. We all need that connection with our tribe in some form. See what works for you.
If you follow this blog at all, you know that I love to travel, especially international travel. I absolutely love going to new places and seeing new things. I love to experience new things whenever possible. Let’s face it you can do a lot of this in a new place.
That bigger moment of self-care can be anything, though. It can be a spa day or a monthly spa treatment like a massage (or pedicure — yay!). It can be a girls’ weekend or even a solo weekend. Truly it can be anything.
Not sure what to do for your self-care moment?
Some of the moments can feel like luxuries and some are simple moments, but they are my moments, doing what I need to re-charge and fill up my cup. The idea is that they are personalized. They are what I need. Not sure what to do for your own moments?
These questions might help:
- What makes you happy (outside of family stuff)? Things that bring us joy can be perfect for our moments of self-care. Understand what it is that really makes you happy. As much as I like travel, it’s seeing and learning new things that light me up. For big moments, we travel to new places. For small moments, we go on local hikes, hike new local trails, or even try new restaurants regularly. It’s the desire to explore that I really need to tap into.
- Is there an activity that makes you smile, even just thinking about it? This can be the perfect way to uncover small moments that you can integrate into your day or week. I mentioned I love to explore. I have found a love of hiking, especially with my family, so that we explore together. While it’s amazing when we travel to far-off locations, we can even do a day trip, which brings me great joy.
- Can you think of an image that gets you to think happy thoughts? Where are you? What are you doing? Really take a moment to dig into this because it can give you loads of ideas. My trick on this is to actually print out or have this image readily available. I try to go to places that allow my joy to bubble to the surface, but I can definitely relive those bigger moments through small moments. It’s like a meditate and find myself back there. Really small moments, but this can even extend the feeling of a recent vacation for me.
- Is there a smaller version of something big that you can do? Maybe you can’t always go to a concert, but you can have your own dance party or simply listen to the music you love at some point in the day. For me, this is that day trip suggestion I made. Think of a smaller version of something you love that can still fill your cup.
Getting restarted
As you restart your self-care routine, you might need some help to make sure you don’t restart and then immediately stop. I’ve got some ideas to help you stick with this new routine.
- Start small. Don’t think you can do this every single day from the start if you haven’t been doing this.
- Schedule it. If it’s not on your calendar, it likely won’t happen. Enough said.
- Accountability partner. Maybe your significant other can help keep you on track. If not, reach out to a friend, neighbor, sibling, or someone else you trust to help keep you on track.
Integrating your family into self-care
Some people feel that self-care is a solo thing. If you feel that way, that is absolutely fine. You want self-care to fill you up and solo might be exactly what you want and need. That monthly pedicure is usually a solo moment. I don’t even do it with a friend most months. When it comes to travel, though, I love to travel with my family. I do most of the planning, so we go where I want (I get some input from my husband and kids but it’s generally me doing the planning). Depending on what you want to do as a form of self-care, you might want to integrate your family.
Do you have a favorite self-care moment or maybe even a routine? Are you struggling with self-care? What’s stopping you from restarting (or maybe starting) self-care? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.
Looking for lots more tips so that you can fit in more self-care? Get your copy of the latest Mompowerment book, The Mompowerment Guide to Work-life Balance. Available on Amazon (this is an affiliate link which won’t cost you anything extra, but I will earn a few cents if you use this link to purchase).
