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You’re tired. You have a lot on your plate. Always. When was the last time you did something you could describe as self-care? You’re hopefully into the rhythm of kids in school again, so maybe it’s time to restart self-care as a working mom. Or maybe you need to create a self-care habit for the first time.
Time to take time for self-care
Life happens. We have to get kids ready for school and ourselves ready for work. We manage work, life, kids, emergencies, and everything else all day. I often describe time management for a working mom as a productivity puzzle. And, as much as we schedule time for everything, sometimes we have to manage multiple layers at once. I’m constantly fitting in work stuff among all the kids’ stuff, and vice versa. And, I want to find time to connect with my husband and fit in exercise and time with friends.
When you try to restart self-care as a working mom, you must confront the idea that you likely don’t take enough time for yourself. We spend so much time and energy focused on others, but what about focusing on our needs? Within my own circle of friends and the moms I interviewed for the Mompowerment books, it doesn’t necessarily seem that we spend enough time on ourselves and our needs. How can we focus on others’ care and be 100% if we don’t take care of ourselves?
Self-care in the interviews
Some moms are really good about self-care. I noticed how many of the 110+ professional working moms I interviewed carved out time for self-care. It was baked into their schedules. One mom I interviewed talked about how we need to “fill up ourselves before we can focus on our kids” and I can’t say enough how true this is. It’s hard to be at your best as a mom, employee/business leader/colleague, spouse, sister, friend, etc., when you’re constantly serving from an empty cup.
My definition of self-care
And when I talk about self-care, I don’t only mean a spa day. I’m referring to the mental, physical, emotional – a holistic version – of self-care. The foundation of self-care includes eating right, drinking enough water, getting enough sleep, exercising enough, and having moments of self-care throughout your day or week (more on what this can look like below).
Benefits of self-care
When you focus on self-care, you do see benefits. You have more energy for managing all the things. You’re more focused and productive, able to be more effective and efficient with your productivity puzzle. You can better manage stress, both at work and at home. Realistically, you’re better in all your roles. As a bonus, you model behavior for your kids, showing them that it’s important to fill their cup on a more holistic level and in a more meaningful way.
Self-care and happiness
If you’re hesitating to restart self-care as a working mom (or maybe even integrate it into your routine for the first time), here’s an important aspect to consider. When we fill up our cup, I think we’re happier. As one mom describes it, “I’m happier and it trickles down to my kids, who are also happier.” We don’t always think about the link between happiness and self-care, but isn’t it harder to be happy when your cup is consistently empty? When you’re exhausted and overwhelmed, how can you focus energy on things like happiness? It’s all the little things that get your attention. And all the little issues become so much harder to deal with. I describe it as being overwhelmed by the underwhelming things in your life.
Small doses of self-care each day
While I love a spa day or bigger self-care moment, I try to do a little bit of self-care each day. In fact, I try to bookend my day with self-care. I try to do a morning self-care check-in and take a few minutes to meditate or breathe deeply and then end my day with writing in my gratitude journal and reading. (Read more about my morning routine.)
These smaller doses can really help get you through a week or month. You don’t want to only do self-care once a month and expect to be at your best.
If I want to unwind at home, I might take a lavender bubble bath with bath salts and bath scrub – maybe even with a small glass of wine. It’s a moment of bliss in the evening once the boys are down. I might listen to podcasts or rock out while working out. Something small, but I feel re-energized and ready to take it all on.
As a working mom, you can’t always fit in the bigger self-care moments. Want some other ideas for small doses of self-care?
- Journal
- Read (reading for 6+ minutes can lower your heart rate)
- Go for a walk or hike
- Take a nap
- Do some gardening
Bigger doses of self-care
Even with my daily morning self-care moments, I still take time to do something more when I can. My favorite consistent “me” moment is a monthly pedicure. It’s a girly moment, which I love in a household with all males where the testosterone can be overwhelming at times.
I’ve also realized that I need some form of connecting with others as part of my self-care. Sometimes a friend and I will meet up to do a walk (catching up while exercising is a win-win in my book). I play tennis at least weekly, where I have a moment to reconnect with teammates while pushing myself on the court. Love it! You could meet a friend for coffee, lunch, or happy hour. Or schedule a girls’ night out. We all need that connection with our tribe in some form. See what works for you.
If you follow this blog at all, you know that I love to travel, especially international travel. It recharges my batteries to explore new places, see new things, and try new food.
You have to decide what bigger self-care moments truly fill your cup. Integrate those into your budget and schedule that time on your calendar.
Not sure what to do for your self-care moment?
Some of the moments can feel like luxuries, and some are simple moments, but they are my moments. I’m doing what I need to recharge and fill up my cup. The idea is that they are personalized. They are what I need. Not sure what to do for your own moments?
These questions might help:
- What makes you happy (outside of family stuff)? Things that bring us joy can be perfect for our moments of self-care. Understand what it is that really makes you happy. As much as I like travel, it’s seeing and learning new things that light me up. For big moments, we travel to new places. For small moments, we go on local hikes, or even try new restaurants regularly. It’s the desire to explore that I embrace.
- Is there an activity that makes you smile, even just thinking about it? This can be the perfect way to uncover small moments that you can integrate into your day or week. I mentioned I love to explore. I have found a love of hiking, especially with my family, so that we explore together. Late last year, I rediscovered competitive tennis after a 30+ year break. Playing tennis in a competitive league brings me joy on so many levels.
- Can you think of an image that gets you to think happy thoughts? Where are you? What are you doing? Really take a moment to dig into this because it can give you loads of ideas. My trick on this is to actually print out or have this image readily available. I try to go to places that allow my joy to bubble to the surface, but I can definitely relive those bigger moments through small moments.
- Is there a smaller version of something big that you can do? Maybe you can’t always go to a concert, but you can have your own dance party or simply listen to the music you love at some point in the day. Think of a smaller version of something you love that can still fill your cup. For me, for example, it’s a day trip one weekend to embrace a small moment of travel.
Getting restarted
As you restart your self-care routine, you might need some help to make sure you don’t restart and then immediately stop. I’ve got some ideas to help you stick with this new routine.
- Start small. Don’t think you can do this every day from the start if you haven’t been doing this.
- Schedule it. If it’s not on your calendar, it likely won’t happen. Enough said.
- Accountability partner. Maybe your significant other, good friend, or even a colleague can help keep you on track. The idea is not to feel like you’re all alone trying to figure it out.
Integrating your family into self-care
Some people feel that self-care is a solo thing. If you feel that way, that is absolutely fine. You want self-care to fill you up, and solo might be exactly what you want and need. That monthly pedicure I talked about? It’s usually a solo moment. I don’t even do it with a friend most months.
Depending on what you want to do as a form of self-care, you might want to integrate your family, whether your significant other or your kids. When it comes to travel, I love to travel with my family. I do most of the planning, so we go where I want. (I get some input from my husband and kids, but it’s generally me doing the planning).
I’ve given you lots of ideas and steps to help you restart self-care as a working mom. How have you integrated self-care into your routine? Are you struggling with self-care? What is keeping you from creating space for self-care ?
Looking for lots more tips so that you can fit in more self-care? Get your copy of the latest Mompowerment book, The Mompowerment Guide to Work-life Balance. Available on Amazon (this is an affiliate link, which won’t cost you anything extra, but I will earn a few cents if you use this link to purchase).
