Looking back on the interviews I did for my books, the topics of self-love, self-care, and the need for grace came up again and again in the 110+ interviews I did with professional working moms. They are not unique in wanting to have self-love as part of their routine. So, in a month of love (and friendship), let’s start with more self-love for working moms.
Let go of the battle for perfection
Feeling like you’re not doing enough? You’re not alone. Many moms are fighting the fight to be perfect in every way. Who doesn’t want to be an amazing mother – fun, loving, creative, and patient?
You feel like you should put a healthy, tasty meal on the table each night that your family loves. You think you should create Pinterest-ready birthday parties each year for your kids. You should be the best role models in career, attitude, abilities, and everything else always. Nope. None of this is true.
If only you knew about the cool place to travel, you could have a perfect vacation like the ones you see other people share on social media. You should have known better. You could do better. Stop looking at other people’s posts and comparing them to your life and experience.
OK, I get it. We want to be smart and successful in our lives and careers to show what working moms can do, whether at a company or as an entrepreneur. And we’re trying to be an example of what we can be done as working moms. Watch mommy do it all!
We want our kids to have these wonderful memories of everything. Birthday parties, travel, etc. We work hard to have enough money to give our kids everything that they need and, hopefully, everything that they want.
Having it all seem perfect is a lot, though. It’s stressful and unrealistic. Is this even the right model to give to our kids? I’m saying no. Give yourself to say NO to perfection and to say YES to being present and intentional with your life and experiences. Kick the need for an Instagrammable life to the curb. I key ingredient of more self-love for working moms is with stepping away from the need for perfection.
With almost no notice, on a teacher in-service day recently, we invited 10 friends to a local spot for laser tag, putt-putt, and bowling to celebrate our younger son turning 10. We had pizza and cookies. There wasn’t a fancy party room. There wasn’t a major theme. The kids had a blast. So easy. And last-minute. It was perfect for other parents to have something to do for their kids. And our 10-year-old LOVED it!
Stop applying unnecessary pressure
There is no question that society puts some pressure on moms to be amazing in all areas. What I see, more often than not, is moms putting even more pressure on themselves. As if there wasn’t enough we feel obliged to live up to, we put even more pressure and expectations on ourselves. The expectations are often unreasonable and the goals are unreachable. Remember that good is good enough. This goes hand in hand with letting go of perfection.
Say NO to mommy guilt
And when we don’t live up to our ridiculously high expectations of ourselves (and those from others, either real or perceived), moms often feel guilty. The “should haves” and “could haves” appear. The “if only” slips out. Or mommy guilt creeps in to ask: “Was that enough?” “Maybe it would have been better if I had done ______.”
Instead of celebrating the happy moments and the small and big accomplishments, I hear and see over and over how moms overanalyze and think of what could have been better with a few tweaks or huge changes. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that we can often learn lessons, but sometimes we need to focus on the accomplishment, however small. We need to relish the win, big or small, and actually enjoy the moment instead of looking for the changes or moving on to the next thing.
More grace, less negative self-talk
It’s hard to address more self-love for working moms without talking about your inner voice. What can we do to give ourselves a break? What if we treated ourselves the way we do our kids, our significant other, and our dearest friends?
Let’s assume we tried our hardest, which is good enough.
Let’s not analyze to death what went wrong when things seemed to go well and our kids are happy.
Let’s enjoy the moments and brush off the “could have” or “should have.”
Let’s give ourselves some grace and stop trying to be more all the time in everything we do.
You are enough, mama! You’re doing your best! That’s all you can ask of yourself.
What if we give ourselves a break and realize that it’s OK for our kids to have dino chicken nuggets and mac n’ cheese from a box from time to time? Have pizza delivered or heat up frozen pizza. Don’t use that one meal to decide you’re not doing enough for your family. Don’t be afraid to simplify or scale back. Aim for easy in some areas instead of Pinterest perfect all the time. Enjoy the moment. Give yourself some grace.
This year one of my intentions is to focus more on joy. Let’s focus more on the joy of missing out (JOMO) and less on the fear of missing out (FOMO). We need to give ourselves grace in the moments that aren’t great and to ease the pressure.
Instead of asking about how you can do more and be more, tell the inner critic to take a hike! Tell that critical voice to “hush!” And do that as soon as it starts the negative talk. Better yet, don’t let it even start talking.
Ridicule less, celebrate more
What if we celebrate more and ridicule ourselves less? Celebrate the little wins that build up to big wins instead of only focusing on the big win that might still be steps or leaps away. Build up to the big goals, but still take a moment for the small wins. You deserve it!
Let’s celebrate our personal and professional wins, big and small. Celebrate the little things and don’t pick them apart. Instead of moving on to the next task on the To-do list, stop. Embrace the moment. Celebrate your win! And then celebrate even more in the big moments.
If you’re looking for a way to keep track of these wins, whether you’re an employee or an entrepreneur, consider an I Rock folder. Each Friday keep track of your big and small wins. You’ll see patterns where you excel and strengths that you can share with a manager each quarter and about a month before your annual review. You’ll see new potential services to offer your clients as an entrepreneur and you’ll see how you’re providing excellent service and value, which we sometimes need to be reminded of as entrepreneurs.
Self-care
And, if we’re going to talk about more self-love for working moms, then it’s only natural to talk about self-care. Yep, as working mamas, we need some self-care in the mix. Self-care should be very personal, so take a moment to figure out what fills your cup. (Check out my post on self-care if you need a lot more advice on this topic.)
I’ve shared before that I bookend my day with self-care. My daily check-in in the morning helps me make little adjustments before I even get out of bed so that I set myself up for success for the day. And, if I need it, I might do a few minutes of meditation. As part of my bedtime routine, I write in my gratitude journal and then read for a bit.
While I don’t specifically do a self-care thing each week, my family and I often spend time outside, whether hiking a new trail or simply taking a walk. Time outside really helps me with my overall care and mental health. I do have a monthly self-care routine, though. I love my monthly pedicure! In a place like Austin, you can wear sandals 9+ months of the year, so it’s a must!
And don’t forget that it’s a 360-degree view of self-care where you eat nutritious meals, drink enough water, sleep enough for your body, and exercise regularly. We need to take care of our physical needs as part of our overall self-care.
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Let’s focus on more self-love for working moms and celebrate whatever we’re doing right. Recognize that you understand what you need and your kids need and you’re doing your best. It doesn’t have to be perfect for everyone else. If it works for you and your family, then that is enough. And somewhere in the mix, take time to take care of yourself.
