Mom guilt is a side of working motherhood that hasn’t gone away during the pandemic. Even though we’re spending 15+ more hours on household duties including things like managing online learning, we’re still feeling the guilt. This summer we’ll add to it as we figure out the “right” steps as we navigate dealing with reopening our lives. It’s time we step away from mom guilt this summer.

More and more mom guilt

As if we didn’t have enough mom guilt, the pandemic challenged us again and again. Am I making the right decisions? So many working moms have had loads of time with their kids over the past 15+ months with schools closed during the pandemic and camps closed last summer. You’re trying to meet deadlines, keep track of online school/distance learning/homeschooling, figure out activities when school wasn’t in session, and manage all the things. Even with all of that, we’re still not stepping away from mom guilt. When are you doing enough?

Working mom guilt doesn’t make you a better mom

Some of you work full-time and you feel guilty because your child is in daycare or all-day camp (if camps are happening). Maybe you’re feeling mommy guilt because of the dreaded “I’m bored.” And some of you are feeling guilty because you’re focusing on family and aren’t getting enough done professionally. Here’s the thing about the guilt…it doesn’t help. It brings you down and makes things harder for no reason. Let’s shift our thinking about mommy guilt this summer and kick it to the curb for (at least) the next few months.

Be an enabler for your child

In a normal summer, your child probably has loads of fun, whether in day camp, overnight/away camp, daycare, time with a sitter/nanny for the summer, or maybe even family or friends. Your summer plans might not have changed and that’s amazing! If your plan for the summer got thrown out the window, you’re not alone. (I’ve had to rethink our general summer plans because of closed camps.) 

This year it might all look different. Maybe it’s time to look at online camp. I know it’s not the same, but your kids could try something new in the safety of your home. Or they could learn something while likely having fun.

Perhaps it’s time to let our kids have the kind of summer many of us had growing up, bike riding and swimming with friends. And it can all be done while keeping a bit of distance. We don’t have to have kids go-go-go every day and this could be the perfect transition. 

Think of it as you’re enabling your child to have fun and potentially learn new things outside of school. Yes, it’s a mindset shift, but it’s a good way of thinking about things and it’s likely more in line with your child’s perspective and thinking. 

Permission to slow down

Let’s say all of this is fun is happening with you, but you’re not doing everything you want to do professionally. If you aren’t getting as much done this summer at work or in your business, that’s OK too. Let that guilt go too.

It’s the time of year when many people build in time off and slow down. After all, you might have expected to take a trip. Normally, this season is the highest travel time of the year. Even if you don’t travel, you still deserve some time for fun, especially with everything you’ve been dealing with recently. Take a breath and enjoy the time with your family when you can. And make the most of it, even if its a staycation. 

Put in place different ways to harness opportunities you can’t take advantage of right now. That might help you be more comfortable with a summer slowdown. See how you can work on the next amazing project for someone you want to work with at your employer. Start putting the steps in place. Do some online training. Use this time to network, whether within your organization or with potential clients. That way you’re taking advantage of a slowdown now and still building your business. Check out my blog on not missing out on opportunities when you work from home. 

While it might be a slower work time, it could be the perfect time to tap into your bigger network. Have online (or in-person) networking meetings to reconnect with those you know. Working on connecting with new people. You never know where your next opportunity might come from. I share some thoughts on who you want in your network as a working mama if you’re looking to create a new strategy.  

Continue to build your pipeline as an entrepreneur. See if you can work on your business instead of only in your business if things have slowed down. And, let’s face it, business has changed during the pandemic. That could create new opportunities for you if you’re continuing to connect in meaningful ways with your network, both current connections and new ones. 

Change how you work

Let’s be real, though, not everyone can truly slow down every day this summer. If things are busy at work, you’ve got a few options. It’s not too late to make adjustments for this summer.

• Front-load your summer.  Work your tail off now and schedule in a slowdown in August or, better yet, schedule some time away late in the summer if you can.
• Consider small shifts in your workday. Wake up earlier to get some work done or work later into the evening after kids are down for the night. Maybe you can’t take off a few days, but you can change when you work each day. Move things around. Be flexible. Experiment and see what really works and adjust your schedule. Make small shifts. Even ending your workday an hour earlier can make a difference in how you spend time with your kids this summer. Make sure you let your manager, colleagues, clients, etc. know about these changes.
• Work remotely. Maybe you need to change where you work. You’re likely working from home, but could “home” change? We’ve had time away while we work because we needed a change of scenery. Our deadlines (and the kids’ daily school assignments) didn’t go away. We working in the morning and took off during the afternoon (after school) or switched off so that one parent was free to have fun with kids. It made a huge difference to change things up for a few days.

Schedule family and fun time

I mention how you can make small shifts to open up your calendar. As you figure out where you can find the time, block the time off so you can have family time instead of letting it get filled by another meeting. I’m a big believer that your calendar reflects how you want to spend your time. In fact, if it’s not on my calendar, it’s probably not going to happen. Block the time off and let your kids know when it will happen. Set the expectations ahead of time when you can. It will make the whole experience easier.

Plan what that time will look like with your kids. We started putting together a summer bucket list last year and did another this year. It was a great suggestion from a few fellow working moms. We stay focused on what “fun” looks like and let different family members have input.  It also allows me to see where to put my energy. So much of being more strategic with your time is being intentional with what you do with your time with family. 

Be present

Plan and do fun things, enjoy the moments that present themselves (more on that in this blog on being present), get the work done when you can. Don’t beat yourself up, though, when things work out differently than you had originally planned. 

And honestly, not every day of summer has to be fully planned out and amazing. Take advantage of opportunities for fun and downtime as they present themselves. Sometimes that unexpected overnight getaway or swimming playdate with a friend can be the most fun. Sometimes letting your 7-year-old play with LEGOs for hours allows for a new level of creativity to kick in. 

And don’t feel guilty about focusing on work. It’s absolutely OK to want to excel professionally. Summer could be the perfect time to make things happen work-wise. Focus on your work during your work time and shed the mom guilt about wanting to do that.

Connect in meaningful ways

I love to spend time with my kids and I’m sure you’re the same. I really enjoy my work too, though. So, I’m trying to be more intentional with how I spent time with my boys. We’re doing outside stuff like pool time. And inside we’re doing things like cooking or baking together.

I’m using active listening skills to show I’m paying attention. For example, I’m asking questions when they show me something they’re working on. Small things like this can help build that connection as we continue to spend time with our kids. 

Summertime and electronics

Our boys don’t usually get more than 30 minutes of electronics on any given day other than movie night, which we do a few times a month (I’ll share we’re doing more movies this summer too). That routine can change a bit or a lot in the summer. I sometimes use electronics – TV or the boys’ tablets – as a bribe or a treat when I need time to get things done. And, if you want something that is more learning-based, there are plenty of apps or learning games you can download. That way kids aren’t simply playing, but they are actually learning something new or reinforcing something from the school year.

What it comes down to is that it’s OK to have electronics be part of your summertime strategy. Don’t allow using electronics to kick that mom guilt into high gear!

Don’t forget about self-care

And don’t forget to include self-care as you work on managing mommy guilt. You might try to focus as much as possible on your family and work and leave your own needs behind. That might not be the best idea. Remember, it’s hard to be your best self when you don’t take care of your needs. I recently wrote about creating more time for self-care when you’re short on time (because who isn’t right now, right?!?!) if you’re struggling with this.

Walk away from the mommy guilt this summer. Focus on what you’re doing right and doing more of what’s working. Hopefully, taking mommy guilt out of your life this summer will start to become a habit during the rest of the year. Don’t worry about that yet, though.

Are you feeling mommy guilt this summer? If so, how are you dealing with it? If you’ve been able to manage the mommy guilt, what’s helped you?

And, if you want more tips on things like dealing with mom guilt or work-life balance tips in general, grab a copy of the Mompowerment book on Amazon (affiliate link).