As the final blog of the month in a series devoted to love and friendship, I want to talk about self-love as a busy, working mom.

The ideas of self-love, self-care, and the need for grace came up in the more than 110 interviews I did with professional part-time working moms.  They mentioned this topic over and over when it came to advice.  And for some moms, this was the driving force behind why they chose to transition to a professional part-time role.  They simply couldn’t fit everything in a full-time career and realized what they needed more of.  All moms, especially working moms, need to focus some time on self-love. As busy, working moms, we need to take time for ourselves, to focus on our own needs.  Professional part-time working moms can often fit more of time to include self-love in their routines.

The Battle with Perfection

As moms, we want to be perfect. We each want to be an amazing mother…fun, loving, creative, patient. We are striving to be perfect in every way on the home front. We expect ourselves to be Suzi homemaker, having a healthy 5-star meal on the table each night, and crafty so that we do cool projects with our kids that are creative and fun. We want Pinterest-ready birthday parties every time for our kids.

And we try to be the best role models in career, attitude, abilities and everything else. We want to be super smart and accomplished on the career front, rising to the highest ranks within the company or excelling at all things entrepreneur-related.

We try to plan amazing vacations, so that our kids have these wonderful memories. We work hard to have enough money to give our kids everything that they need and, hopefully, everything that they want.

We Apply the Pressure

There is no question that society puts some pressure on moms to be amazing in all areas. What I see, more often than not, is moms putting even more pressure on themselves. As if there wasn’t enough we needed to live up to, based on what we think are external expectations, we put even more pressure and expectations on our shoulders. The expectations are often unreasonable and the goals, unreachable.

Mommy Guilt

And when we don’t live up to our ridiculously high expectations, moms feel guilt. Mommy guilt creeps into an amazing day for many moms, asking “was that enough?” “Was that really the best you could do?” “Maybe it would have been better if you did ______ instead.” Instead of celebrating the happy moments and the small and big accomplishments, I hear over and over how moms overanalyze and think of what could have been better if tweaked a little or a lot.

The Need for Grace

We need to treat ourselves the way we do our kids, our significant other, and our friends. Let’s assume we tried our hardest instead of analyzing what went wrong and how to right a mistake. We need to give ourselves some grace or more grace and stop trying to be more all the time in all areas.

What if we give ourselves a break and realize that it’s OK for our kids to have dino chicken nuggets and mac n’ cheese from a box from time to time. Maybe throw in some steamed broccoli and a glass of milk and say it’s a complete meal and your kids aren’t hungry. Let’s not use that one meal to decide we are not doing enough for our family and our kids.

Ridicule Less & Celebrate More

Instead of asking about how you can do more and be more, hush the inner critic. Tell the inner critic to be quiet when it starts talking. And be quick about it. Don’t let it raise its voice to you. You are enough. You’re doing enough. Period.

Let’s focus on the little wins that build up to big wins instead of only focusing on the big win that might still be steps away. What if we celebrate more and ridicule ourselves less?

If we’re not the most senior executive at the company, that’s OK. Let’s work on progressing our careers and celebrate our professional wins, big and small. Had an amazing presentation that you’re proud of? Celebrate it and don’t pick apart what you can do better next time. Where you a rockstar in a meeting? Did you make a new sale? Did you solve a problem? Did you reach a goal, big or small? Instead of moving on the next task on the To Do list, stop. Embrace the moment. Celebrate your little or big win!

Self-care

If we’re talking about being kinder and giving yourself grace, what about the self-care side of it? What does self-care look like for you? A little bit of self-care every day? Or maybe something a bit bigger once a week. How do you make sure your cup is full, so that you can be at your best for yourself and be the best mom and significant other that you can be?

I do a daily check-in before I even get out of bed in the morning. That lets me make adjustments before I even get up. And, if I need it, I might do a few minutes of meditation. And my monthly splurge is a pedicure. (Plus, when you’re in Austin, Texas, where you can wear sandals and flip flops 9-10 months out of the year, it’s almost required.) 😉 I try to focus on the good things I’m doing as a mom and let go of the moments that aren’t so stellar.

If you need more ideas on self-care, I’ll be doing a self-care series in March. Stay tuned.

Let’s focus on self-love and celebrating whatever we’re doing right. Walk away from the mommy guilt. You understand what you need and your kids need and you’re doing your best. It doesn’t have to be perfect for everyone else. It works for you and your family and that is enough. And somewhere in the mix, take time to take care of yourself.

How are you giving yourself more grace? What helps to quiet your inner critic? What wins will you start celebrating? I would love to hear about what wins you’ll start to celebrate and what celebrating will look like for you and your family.