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As a new working mom, you might be exhausted and overwhelmed. You’re not doing anything wrong. Don’t give into the idea that work-life balance is a myth. It’s doable, but it probably looks different than you imagined before baby or even before your second or third child. I’m sharing tips this month on the Mompowerment blog to help new working moms specifically. This post is about my 10 essential tips to help new working moms create greater work-life balance.
A few weeks ago we talked about tips to help you with the work side of working motherhood. This time we’re focused on the life and home side of things.
1. Share the mental load
The running to-do list on top of all the usual new baby duties can feel never-ending. Don’t try to manage it all in your head. I will add that mommy brain is a real thing, especially at the beginning when you’re in a bit of a fog after baby arrives. You’re healing and trying to find a new rhythm and it’s too much to think you can keep that to-do list straight. The mental load is all the stuff behind what you already do. It’s the to-do list of appointments in the first few months, when you need to buy diapers, cleaning your coffee spill that you walked away from when baby started crying, etc. Share that mental load, mama! I write a lot more about the mental load in a recent post.
2. Ask for what you need
How do you share the mental load? Ask for what you need at home. Whether you’re talking to your significant other, your child’s caretaker, or anyone else who is helping you, be specific when asking for what you need. Forget mindreading. Expecting that people should know won’t help either.
Partner with your significant other. Maternity leave is much more common than paternity leave, so you’ll likely be home with baby initially. And working moms take on the lion’s share of duties at home, especially during the pandemic. It doesn’t have to be that way for you, but it won’t change without your initiative.
A new baby is a perfect moment to make changes. Need help with having the tough conversation with your significant other about being better partners at home? Download The Mompowerment Guide for Sharing Household Responsibilities.
If your tribe asks how they can help, give them tangible ways to help you. They can drop off meals, walk your dog, pick up groceries you order from the store, grab an item you need, give you rides to appointments (remember, you might not be able to drive initially), etc. A friend set up a CareCalendar for me to make it all easier, but there are loads of options out there.
3. Create a tribe to support you
I talked about the importance of your work tribe as a new working mom earlier this month. You need a personal tribe as well. This tribe starts with your significant other and family, but it certainly doesn’t end there. The people you bring into your world to support you are friends, colleagues (they are often your good friends), neighbors, members of organizations you support, the people who you outsource to (e.g., a housekeeper, etc.). Find the people in your personal life who can support you as you try to create greater balance. They help you feel confident about your decisions and provide support in challenging moments.
Others in this tribe might offer services that support you, such as a housekeeper, dog walker, etc. In the early months after baby they can be essential. Consider increasing the number of times they provide you services over the short-term. Know what you need, but also mind your budget.
4. Consider what you can outsource
It’s not only about your tribe, though. Sometimes you simply need to outsource tasks that you have, at least in the short-term. Overwhelmed by laundry? Consider a wash and fold service, especially one that picks up and drops off. Looking into paying your housekeeper a bit more to do laundry (at least for baby)? Speaking of a housekeeper or cleaning service, could he/she/they come weekly if they usually come every other week or once a month? Can a neighborhood kid walk your dog for extra cash? Other tasks could be meal prep/cooking, grocery shopping (you pick what you want and order and it is delivered), or even doing errands (e.g., Task Rabbit).
5. Set realistic expectations
If you’re reading this and still feeling overwhelmed, it’s OK. You want to set realistic expectations with what you can handle and what you want. Life doesn’t have to be overly complicated. Prioritize what you and your family need. Don’t let anyone convince you that it must look a specific way. Work-life balance is personal, so it’s your version of how all of these things work and fit together. Set your timeline and goals and stick to that. (BTW, I think this is the most important of the tips to help new working moms create greater work-life balance. It can take the pressure off which gives you the space to have things fall into place. More on the importance of this concept below.)
6. Get organized
One of the tips I heard over and over in the 110+ interviews I did with working mothers for my books was to be organized at home to save time. You likely went through a nesting period before baby. And you might have thrown all that nesting and organizing out the window once baby arrived.
If you’re already organized, great. If not, it’s time to find a spot for all things, especially those you use regularly. Make sure anyone – significant other, nanny, sitter, housekeeper, etc. – knows where those things are and returns them to their spot after use (or refills when new ones arrive).
7. Connect with your significant other
It’s easy to have your new baby’s needs be your focus. You still need connection with your significant other, though. Focus on small moments together. You don’t need to spend hours connecting if you don’t want to or if you don’t have the energy. It can be as easy as 10-15 minutes together watching a show you enjoy or taking a moment to eat dinner together and talk about your day. Take a walk together while baby naps in the stroller. Make sure to not make the conversation all about baby, though. You want to connect outside of your child(ren).
8. Consider a date night sitter each week
If you’re exhausted as a new working mama, this one is for you. This is not your typical date night. This is designed to give you a head start on sleep at least once a week for a few weeks. A night nurse might be out of your budget or unavailable in your area. Hire a sitter for date night and go to bed early. Feed your baby around dinner time and then hand off baby to the sitter. Let the sitter take care of baby and you and your significant other drift off to dreamland. Keep the sitter there until 11pm or midnight and have her/him change baby before handing off for that last feeding of the day.
If you’re bottle feeding, the sitter can even do a feeding before leaving. If your significant other is helping with feedings, the one that happens as the sitter is leaving might be a good one to help with.
If you’re breastfeeding, after 3, 4, or 5 hours, your boobs might be ready to burst. Have the sitter change the baby’s diaper and then bring him/her to you to breastfeed. That way you nurse and put baby back to sleep.
9. Take time for self-care
It’s not only about baby. You must take care of yourself. Yep, self-care to the rescue! It can be as simple as finding time for a shower when baby first arrives. It could be a moment to eat a real meal, not something quick.
Drink enough water, get enough sleep, get enough exercise when you’ve been cleared by the doctor (small bursts of exercise are great). It’s also things like reading a book for 6+ minutes (not on baby stuff) to help with stress management. It could be journaling, talking to a friend via phone, Zoom, or in-person. Connecting with others matters in the early stages of motherhood. With so much focus on your small family, it can be a bit alienating, especially during the pandemic.
And it gets you practicing self-care from the beginning instead of trying to figure out how to fit it in later.
10. Give yourself grace and space
Having a new baby requires new routines and figuring new things out. It’s not going to be perfect. And that is absolutely OK. Don’t look at the unicorn examples online for babies that sleep through the night at 2 months or moms who look absolutely perfect every moment 3 weeks after giving birth. That highlight reel on social media doesn’t always reflect reality. Go at your own pace. Focus on the things that matter to you and your family. Give yourself grace to try new things without judging yourself. Know your boundaries and the things you really care about and you’ll find the right mix of things. You will create rhythms that work for you and your family.
Now you’ve got them: 10 essential tips to help new working moms create greater work-life balance. Which ones are already part of your routine? Which ones will you start using? Which ones are you struggling with? Did I leave something off that you think is integral? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
Remember, if you’re looking for a lot more practical tips to help you create greater balance, grab your copy of the 3-time award-winning Mompowerment Guide to Work-life Balance (This is an affiliate link. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases). It’s featured on several top gift lists for new mothers lists too!
