Let me introduce you to this month’s Mompowerment mom Kate Isler, CEO & Co-founder, author of Breaking Borders, mother, partner, friend, and gender parity advocate. Impressive, right? If you’re looking for inspiration to start off your year, you’ve found it! What I found so powerful in Kate’s story was her focus on making the possibility a reality. Kate’s story will give you ideas to help you say yes as a working mom.
Professional path
Kate admits she didn’t take a straight or expected path. After a few odd jobs, including a few that helped build her confidence, she jumped at the opportunity to work at a growing technology company in her area, Microsoft. She held various marketing and business leadership roles across the company, including several international assignments in the Middle East and Europe adding up to more than a decade abroad.
In total Kate was at Microsoft for 20+ years, making things happen across roles and departments. And somewhere in the middle, she did a 4-year stint in Seattle at Daysaver.
Kate decided it was time to apply her knowledge in new ways and entered the start-up world. She eventually created her own successful non-profit, Be Bold for Change (will link to this if you like), an organization that creates women’s events celebration of International Women’s Day in Seattle.
Her path to co-Founding TheWMarketplace is no exception to this non-linear path. In the spring of 2020, it became clear that women were being disproportionally affected by the economic impact of the pandemic. Kate wanted to do something to put money into women’s bank accounts. The world was leaning into online shopping. She had the tech experience. She brought the market trends and her tech background together to create an eCommerce marketplace built for women-owned businesses by a women-owned business. Now there are 500+ businesses on the platform and they’ve made hundreds of transactions in just a year’s time.
Here’s an interesting nugget. In 2018, Kate completed her undergraduate studies that she had started long ago. She now has a BA from Seattle Pacific University. Yes, you read that right. She did make all those bold moves without a degree. Having a strong work ethic and building relationships can take you far, regardless of your background or industry.
Work time
With all the things that Kate has going on, what does an actual workday look like? Kate is a self-described “all in” person. If you find yourself in this situation, you’re not alone. She admits that she can find it hard to set boundaries when she is working on something she’s passionate about and committed to. She relishes being busy and focusing on a mission she truly cares about.
Shifting to a stay-at-home dad situation
When her oldest son was young, Kate and her husband struggled with the expense and time constraints of finding childcare like so many families today. Instead of taking on the traditional role of caregiver, she embraced the opportunity in front of her (this is one of those say yes moments). Being able to say yes as a working mom happens when you have the right resources and roles in place. As they moved to a new country, her husband shifted to a stay-at-home dad role.
Kate admits this is not an easy transition, even without a physical relocation. In the early 90s, very few men stayed home with kids and there were no stay-at-home dads in the Middle East, the family’s first overseas posting when he shifted to staying home.
Both Kate and her husband came from families with traditional role ideas, which made the adjustment even harder. This completely new lifestyle had few models to follow. “I had to learn to step back and let him become the primary parent and run the household.” And Kate worried about losing her place in her children’s lives as “Mom.”
Kate’s husband did things completely different than she would have in all areas: running the household, playing with kids, engaging in school and community. It was a moment to redefine their roles and their relationship with each other and the boarder community. “I am very happy to say that it worked out. My children still called for Mom in the middle of the night and our family defined ‘normal’ on our own terms.”
This lack of change in childcare is a hot button for Kate. “There was no corporate assistance, no matter what level of leadership you are within a company. The approach to childcare in the US is very short-sided and discourages women that have career ambitions from having families.”
“Long term [the US] will need to rebuild the gender equity and ideals that have taken decades for women to gain. The bright side of the pandemic is that we now have proof that parents can be very effective at many careers and jobs working from home and managing a family. If parents are comfortable with how their children are being cared for then they are happier, more productive team members. It is not hard to make the adjustments and see the personal and business benefits to supporting parents.”
Saying yes as a working mom
What I saw in Kate’s book was her ability to say “Yes” again and again. When asked about this side of her personality and path, Kate had this to share. “I am inspired by things that others do. I hear, see or read about something and automatically think, ‘If they can do it, so can I’.” For Kate, it’s not normally driven by skills, preparation, or talent. It’s about jumping in to see what would happen. If she didn’t try to do something, she figured she would be missing out.
Kate shares that, “Often women self-select out of trying things and let limitations (real or perceived) get in the way of even trying. If I am honest, I have always felt like I had nothing to lose and everything to gain by giving things a shot.”
As working moms, we tap out, even before we have opportunities to move up the corporate ladder, start a business, or create an endeavor. In my own experience I’ve seen that if you don’t raise your hand and/or let your interest be known, you often won’t get the opportunity.
Kate’s view on work-life balance
“Work-life balance is such a loaded term. Everyone’s life and what they prioritize and how they work that out is at their own pace…It’s not two-dimensional as the term implies. I am a parent, businessperson, entrepreneur, friend, partner, gender advocate, and writer. I engage in all these things, depending on what is in front of me.”
Kate allows the focus to change over time. It’s not about making a choice. It’s about having the career (or business) and relationships we want and need. “We don’t have to decide,” Kate declares. “Work towards a life and schedule that works for you as an individual.”
Challenges along the way
Motherhood is a lifelong commitment. The challenges change along the way, but you are always a mother no matter how old your kids are.
When her kids were young, Kate admits she was always worried about what she was missing. As she shifted to the breadwinner, her role with her children also changed. She had to make peace with that decision regularly. She had to embrace the reality that she was not happy or fulfilled as the primary parent. “Loving and enjoying your children can take many forms.”
Kate had to acknowledge that being the primary parent left her feeling bored, sad, and restless. “These are all feelings that women/mothers are told they are bad for having, [but] these feelings are valid, not bad.”
Shifting to the breadwinner with her husband as a stay-at-home parent meant her kids were cared for and she was a happier parent. She was and is a “good mother” because of it. “We need to support women that chose to mother their way and not like it has always been.” (This support from the community and other women is part of being able to say yes as a working mom.)
What are you working on right now that you’re excited about?
Kate is all about creating opportunities to inspire and support women. Gender roles have been defined by culture and institutions for 100s of years, all teaching that women are second to men. Kate’s mission is to change that, helping women get comfortable with being equals to the men around them. She wants to inspire women to live full lives and support one.
Advice
- Don’t shy away from bold moves. Intentionally go after what you want. “Why not me?” is a powerful statement. Embrace it!
- Get comfortable with what you want. To say yes as a working mom and feel empowered to make changes, you must first acknowledge your ambitions and goals. The best way to do that is to believe it and start to share it. Adopt the attitude that your dreams and desires are possible and embrace the possibilities. Hint: “Don’t misunderstand that…possible equals easy. It doesn’t. Once you believe in yourself you are well on the way to having others see you like that.”
- Have hard conversations with your partner/family. Some of the hardest conversations you’ll have are with your partner or your family in general. It’s OK for your family to look different and have unique experiences. (Don’t forget that we’ve got a great guide to help you have these conversations with your significant other about things at home.)
- Build strategic relationships. While it’s important to advocate for yourself, it’s equally important to find managers, mentors, and sponsors who will advocate for you. They are in the room when you’re not and can share your strengths and skills with decision-makers.
- Don’t be discouraged by what you don’t have. Just because you don’t have the standard ingredients doesn’t mean you can’t be successful. In fact, the most successful people bring new and fresh approaches to everything.
Follow Kate on Instagram or LinkedIn to hear more about her platforms and book, Breaking Borders.
You’ve got some amazing inspiration here to help you say yes as a working mom! What will you say yes to today? On the flip side, what’s holding you back? How can we help you make changes and remove those obstacles?
Being able to say yes as a working mom takes support, strategic thinking, strategic relationships, and a willingness to do things differently. If you’re looking for practical tips to help with these and other topics and additional inspiration delivered directly to your inbox, sign up below for the newsletter.
Quick note. While I was introduced to Kate a few years ago in a women’s leadership group we’re both a part of, I received a copy of her book from HarperCollins Leadership.
