In a month about love and friendship, let’s talk romantic L-O-V-E. Yes, it can be hard to keep that spark alive as a working mom. I get it. There is a lot on your to-do list already. The relationship with your significant other is important, though. I’m sharing 7 simple ideas to show love for your Love.
Life before kids was so easy
In my case, my Love is my husband. My husband and I have been married for more than 13 years. When we first got married before kids (BK), we did all sorts of things…saw countless movies in an actual movie theater, socialized with friends regularly, ate at new non-kid friendly restaurants a few times a month, went to comedy clubs, and listened to live music. We focused a lot of energy on our marriage and really enjoyed time with each other.
Then we had our first child. And things changed a lot. And then we had our second child. And things changed even more. Time was even more scarce. It was harder to find time for each other in the swirl of normal life.
Committed relationships take work
I have had friends tell me that I simply lucked out and that’s why I have a good relationship with my husband. Yes, that is absolutely part of it. My husband is supportive and loving.
It’s not only luck, though. Committed relationships take work. For most of us, they don’t magically happen. Me included. And, let’s be honest, the relationship with your Love can take a back seat to your kids, especially when they’re young. As a busy, working mom, I have limited time to do everything I need to do. Can you relate?
I still want to have a strong marriage, but we don’t have time like we did BK. And that shifted what romance and love look like in our household. And that’s why I’m sharing simple ideas that we use so you might be able to use them to show love for your Love.
Small gestures
When was the last time you bought your significant other something he or she loves? Ice cream? Chocolate? Snacks? Coffee creamer? And then it’s the act of making sure your kids don’t scarf it down before your Love gets a bite. Really, though, it could be that you order a small something from Amazon or from your significant other’s favorite shop. You get the idea. You’re buying something small that says “I’m thinking about you.” (And I don’t mean a small box with something like a beautiful pair of earrings from your favorite jeweler, although those are nice too.) 😉
A moment alone
I’ve mentioned that I’m big on being intentional, so it’s not surprising that I’m intentional with building and maintaining that connection with my Love. My husband and I take time to connect each day – usually 10-20 minutes – once the kids are in bed. We both might need to hop on for a few emails in the evening, so we don’t usually have hours of time alone once the kids are in bed. We cozy up on the den sofa and talk about our day, something bugging one of us, plans for the weekend, or laugh about something we read or saw. Or we simply pour a glass of wine and watch something together, enjoying that we are simply in the same room. It’s a low-effort moment but with a big impact.
Send a sweet message
What about being intentional with your usual communication tools? When was the last time you sent a sweet text message to each other? Yes, I also send the “Please pick up shredded cheese on the way home” messages, but I will send (K) (which stands for kiss) messages too. It’s usually totally out of the blue and I imagine it impacts him the way it does me when I receive it. It puts a smile on my face for that moment, knowing he is thinking about me.
BK or even when we had only one child, we would send messages to each regularly. Not annoying love notes all day that make others want to gag, but a sweet text in the morning or randomly in the afternoon. And we both did it. Sometimes our message was as simple as “I love you” or a link to a funny video. But we stopped these after having our younger son. Life got busy. I realized I missed those texts, though. And I wondered if he did too. I decided to re-ignite the sweet texts. And, wouldn’t you know it, I got a (K) back. Yes, it can be that easy to show your Love some love.
Say “Thank you”
I want to be appreciated for what I do. To be appreciated, I also need to appreciate. I try to say “Thank you” regularly. Even if it’s something mundane. “Thanks for helping get the kids ready for school this morning.”
Yes, you’ll say thank you when it’s an occasion, but it’s equally important to simply say thank you for a non-occasion, when you get a surprise or a gift. Instead of asking about the occasion or providing feedback, simply say “Thank you” and let the other stuff fall away. And, as a bonus, it’s a great example for your kids.
Date night
Date night is important. It’s the time to get away from the kids and focus on the two of you. First thing to remember is to DO IT!!! Especially because of the pandemic, you might have fallen out of the date night routine. Start it up again. Get it on the schedule. Get a sitter. Trade babysitting with a neighbor or relative, so you watch their kids on their date night and they reciprocate for your date night. Figure out what you can do and afford. In case you’re stumped on new date night ideas, check these date night options out. You’ll find plenty of fun, different kinds of date night options to choose from.
Home date night
My husband and I also fully embrace the at-home date nights. Let’s be real. You can’t always find someone to watch the kids and sometimes you want to be cozy while you connect.
Once the kids are in bed, we intentionally do something different. Grab that yummy wine and cheese with fancy crackers or yummy bread. Play the board game you can’t play when kids are around because they can’t spell beyond “dog” or “cat.” Sometimes you just want to make homemade pizza and watch a movie that isn’t animated or PG rated. Or simply take a moment to talk and laugh together. Again, it’s about connection, right?
Not sure what to do on your home date night? Jill Riley shares 50 ideas for fun date nights at home on her Confidence Meets Planning blog. And I’m sharing these simple ideas to show love for your Love in time for Valentine’s Day in case you need an at-home plan. No sitter needed.
And, with this many ideas for date nights at home or away, you have multiple ways to connect and have fun each month. So, rekindle that connection.
Day dates are awesome!
We don’t think enough people do day dates, so we’re reminding you of this option. Kids are already in school or daycare, so you don’t have to figure out childcare. Grab lunch at a spot you wouldn’t go to with your kids. Move your body (e.g., take a nearby hike or simply walk around your neighborhood). It could be a great way to even start your day. You could volunteer together. Or have an intimate moment without worrying about kids interrupting. You might be able to fit in a movie (yes, this might mean you make up work time later in the day). We have gone to a movie we can’t wait to see on a day date. It was totally worth hopping online later to make up the work time!!
It’s a two-way street
I’m not the only one focused on showing my Love these small moments and ideas in my marriage. My husband might get me flowers or change the ringer on my phone to something fun that he knows I’ll love. We might go to lunch on a whim on a school day. It’s not only about my effort. Make sure your significant other is putting in the effort too.
When things get hectic, which can be daily some weeks, you still need to focus on that loving connection. Do you have some simple ideas to show love for your Love? How do you make time for your significant other?
Want some more ideas on being intentional? Check out The Mompowerment Guide to Work-life Balance (affiliate link) available in paperback and on Kindle on Amazon. (affiliate link)
